MANNERS
Adapted from Family Home Evening
Resource Book, Manners, pg 204
Created by Margie Reese
Purpose:
We practice good manners when we show love, respect, and
gratitude to those around us. Our
Heavenly Father is pleased when we use good manners in our associations with
all of his children. (Family Home
Evening Resource Book)
Scriptural
References:
Matthew 4:14-16 -- Good Example (Seminary Scripture Mastery)
Revelations 20:12-13
-- Judged according to works (Seminary Scripture Mastery)
Ephesians 4:31-32 – Be ye kind one to another
Matthew 7:12 – The Golden Rule
3 Nephi 14:12 – The Golden Rule
Mosiah 4:30 – Responsible for our thoughts, words, deeds
(Sem Scrip Mastery)
Hymns & Songs:
“Kindness Begins with Me”
Children’s Songbook, p 145
“Let Us Oft Speak Kind Words” Hymn #232
“Choose the Right”
Hymn #239
“Do What is Right”
Hymn #237
Lesson:
OPENING SONG:
OPENING PRAYER:
Write a list of polite, courteous words and phrases on a
whiteboard or sheet of paper. Discuss
with your family why they are words which show courtesy, politeness, and good
manners. You may use the following
examples or any which apply where you live:
Please, Take my seat,
Let me share, May I?, Excuse me,
I
care about you, I respect you, I am grateful for you
Point out that words on the list actually say something more
important than they appear to be saying.
They say “I like you,” “I care
about you,” “I respect you,” “I am
grateful for you.”
Read and discuss the
following quote by Elder Marion D.
Hanks:
“Manners are the manifestation of good sense and good
breeding and consideration for others. … They are outward expressions of what
we believe to be important, of our values.
They reflect our attitude towards others; They show how we really feel.” (Era of Youth,” p. 5, in Improvement Era, May 1962)
Activity/Game
*Younger Children:
“Animals Manners
Banner” and game “Mother May I”
·
Read
through the poem together as a family.
Assign each member of the family one or two animals to show what the
animal would do.
·
Play the
game “Mother May I”
o
Directions: One person (it could be mom) stands across
the room facing the other family members.
One at a time each family member in line will ask “Mother may I take (a
number) (type) steps?” For
example: “Mother may I take 4 baby
steps?” ( “Mother” will then say “yes”
or “no” depending upon whether the child remembered to ask beginning with
“Mother May I”.
o
If the
child forgets to ask with “Mother May I …” then he/she goes back to the
starting line. The first one to touch
mother wins.
o
Possible
types of steps: giant, sideways,
regular, forward, backward, Bunny
(hopping), Scissor (jump and cross feet then jump and uncross, Banana (lay down
with feet at current spot. Mark where
the top of your head is for your new spot.
*Teenager & Adults:
“Please Pass the
Potatoes”
·
Read or
summarize the article entitled “Please Pass the Potatoes”
·
Using
the etiquette cards, quiz to see how many etiquette questions your family can
answer correctly.
Closing Song:
Closing Prayer:
Treat: Dirt Cups
1. Set the following week as a Good Manners Week
for your family. During this week, try
to use good manners continually in your home.
2. Encourage your family to make posters,
word-strips, table decorations, clever messages on bathroom mirrors or other
reminders to family members to be courteous.
3. Plan a special dinner at which your family
can practice good table manners. Plan t
set the table using proper rules for table setting, your best table cloth,
dishes, and decorations. Explain and
demonstrate the good manners that you want your family to learn.
FAITH IN GOD: Primary:
LEARNING AND LIVING THE GOSPEL:
**Learn to sing
“Choose the Right (Hymn#239). Explain
what agency is and what it means to be responsible with your choices. Discuss how making good choices has helped
you develop greater faith
SERVICE:
**Learn about and
practice good manners and courtesy
PERSONAL PROGRESS: Young Women:
CHOICE & ACCOUNTIBILITY:
**Read the pamphlet For the Strength of Youth. List in your journal each standard of
righteous behavior the pamphlet outlines, and record why it is important to
live those standards. Practice living
righteous standards by choosing one in which you need to improve. You might choose to be more selective about
television, music, books, or other media or you might improve your modesty,
speech, or honesty. After three weeks,
share with your family, your class or a Young Women leader your progress is
improving.
DUTY TO GOD: Young Men:
DEACON:
**Show a parent or
priesthood leader that you know how to use manners while eating, greeting
acquaintances in formal and informal settings, greeting a person of authority,
and introducing a speaker at a public event.
TEACHER:
**With yoru quorum
members, plan and participate in an “etiquette dinner.” The guests of honor could be your quorum
members’ parents.
PRIEST:
**Attend a social
event in the ward or stake and another similar event at school. Describe to your parents or a priesthood
leader how you felt and behaved in both situations.
ANIMAL
MANNERS BANNERS”
By Janet McCann
Friend, Nov. 1999, pg 18
PREPARATIONS:
Color and cut out
the animals and attach to popsicle sticks.
Laminating would be a good idea.
INSTRUCTIONS:
Give each member of
the family one or two of the popsicle stick animals. When their animal is
mentioned in the poem, have them hold it up and do/say what the animal would do
to have good manners.
If you get a present from a Crocodile,
Thank him with a great big smile ….
If you step on a toe of a Chimpanzee,
Don’t forget to say, “Excuse Me.”
When a lion comes for dinner,
Don’t talk with your mouth full
of food – it’s rude!
When Raccoon phones to talk to Mom, be sure
to say –
“I’ll run and get her right
away.”
When you’re at Elephant’s house and need to
sneeze,
Always remember to say, “Tissue, please.”
In the presence of Giraffe, say, “Excuse me,” if you burp,
Or he will think you are a twerp.
Always knock on her door when
it’s shut when you visit
Hippopotamus,
Or she will make such a terrible fuss.
How to Pass the Pass the Potatoes Test
by
Babzanne P. Barker
Editorial
Associate
(And Other Tips on Modern Etiquette)
In the play The Miracle Worker, one of
the first lessons Annie Sullivan tries to teach blind-deaf Helen Keller is that
of how to eat at the dinner table. Helen is used to shoving food into her mouth
with her hands and snatching whatever she wants off the plates of those seated
nearby. She does learn, however, and in so doing, takes her first steps toward
becoming a refined and civilized young lady. Like Helen, we also had to learn
the basics of good table manners; unlike her, it was probably a relatively
painless experience for us.
But sometimes our need for an
understanding of etiquette extends beyond the basics, beyond the traditions and
customs we practice in our own homes. For example, have you ever been at a
formal dinner and found yourself bumping into someone who was passing the potatoes
in one direction while you were passing the peas in another? And at that same
formal dinner were you shocked to discover there were four forks, three spoons,
and two knives at your place setting alone?
Although some of the rules of good
etiquette change over the years, there are some that will likely always endure
simply because of their practicality and effectiveness. Do you know what they
are—and why they are important? Priest adviser Steve Stewart from the Monument
Park 12th Ward, Salt Lake Monument Park Stake, decided his quorum should be
able to answer “Yes!” to both questions. Remembering his feelings of inadequacy
at a dinner at the home of his mission president, he wanted to give his quorum
the opportunity to learn, discuss, and practice some of the more universal
aspects of etiquette.
“It was New Year’s Day and I was
serving as a missionary in the Central Atlantic States Mission,” he recalled.
“The mission president and his wife had invited some of us over for dinner. It
was delicious, but my enjoyment of it was hampered some when I realized I
lacked knowledge of formal etiquette. For example, I wasn’t sure when I was
supposed to stand or even when it was appropriate to take my napkin. It’s not
that the procedures were difficult, they were just unfamiliar to me.”
Brother Stewart’s desire to help his
priests avoid similar situations was greeted enthusiastically by the quorum.
His approach included a quiz on the young men’s existing knowledge of
etiquette, with a discussion afterward, and a formal dinner for the priests and
Laurels. The class exercise was well received, and the dinner turned out to be
one of the best-attended activities of the year. “I thought the dinner would be
fun but that I wouldn’t really learn anything new,” admitted Buster Child,
first assistant to the president of the priests quorum. “But I was wrong. I
really have learned a lot.”
Printed invitations were sent to
each of the priests and Laurels in the ward, and the priests were assigned to
escort the Laurels. As a result, shortly before 7:30 on a calm, clear, spring
night, the Stewart sidewalk began filling up with beautiful young women in
long, colorful dresses and handsome priests in coats and ties. Inside, several
tables had been covered with fine cloths and set with china, silver, and
goblets. Placecards indicated where each guest was to sit, and the tantalizing
aroma of baked ham and scalloped potatoes floated into the dining room from the
adjoining kitchen.
The young people spent the first
part of the evening mingling, talking, and eating hors d’oeuvres of
sausage-filled mushrooms and chips with dips. Such whispered comments as “I ate
before I came so I wouldn’t stuff myself when I got here” and “Is it all right
to pick up a mushroom with my fingers?” could be heard amidst talk of school,
ward activities, and the approaching summer vacation.
Soon, however, it was time for
dinner to begin. After a short welcome and a blessing on the food, Brother
Stewart encouraged his guests to feel comfortable and to ask as many questions
as they wanted. And they did. Throughout the evening the room buzzed with
questions. “How do I butter my roll?” asked one, and from someone else, “Do I
pass the food to my left or to my right?” Brother Stewart also brought up some
points for discussion. Some of the answers were obvious: “Should you leave some
food on your spoon or fork to be waved about during conversation?” brought
spontaneous laughter from the group. But the answer to another question, “Is it
considered proper to butter a whole ear of corn at once?” (the answer is no;
butter and eat only a few rows at a time) was greeted with disbelief, and the
consensus was that perhaps this is one area that should be left up to personal
taste.
When the evening was over, however,
the group generally agreed that understanding etiquette and practicing good
manners are just as important today as ever before. “Once you learn the basics,
you can relax and enjoy yourself without wondering if you are going to make a
big mistake,” said Mike Bonnelli. And Sharon Matsen added, “It’s being
courteous, but it’s more than that, too. It’s a way of showing others you want
them to feel comfortable. For example, I really like my date to open the car
door for me. Even though it might be considered a little thing, it makes me feel
that he thinks I’m someone special.”
And that’s what etiquette is really
all about—showing our friends, family members, and associates that they are
special to us and that we want to treat them in the very best way possible. As
well as passing the beans in the right direction and not blowing your nose at
the dinner table, good manners mean returning everything you borrow and
following through on everything you say you will do. It is being patient when
the clerk at the grocery store charges you too much, cheerful when you have to
do the dishes twice in a row because your sister is sick, and appreciative when
your father takes your paper route so you can go to Scout camp. It is helping a
stranger who has slipped on the ice and offering the last piece of pie to your
Uncle Harvey when you really wanted to eat it yourself. The following quiz
includes true-false questions covering a variety of different situations. See
how many you can get right:
Dining
1. If there are more than eight
persons seated at one table, it is all right to begin eating as soon as you are
served.
True. Otherwise the hot food could
begin to get cold and the cold food could begin to get warm.
2. Used silverware should be left on
the table with the tips resting on the side of the dinner plate.
False. Only unused silverware should
be left on the table. Lay your used utensils crosswise across the plate so that
when it is removed, the silverware won’t fall off.
3. At a formal dinner party you
should take your napkin as soon as you are seated.
False. Take your napkin when your
hostess takes hers.
4. If you always add salt to your
food, it is all right to salt and pepper it before you taste it.
False. Wait until you taste it to
avoid offending the cook—or ruining the flavor!
5. When you are passed the butter
plate, you should take however much you need and place it on your plate rather
than directly onto your roll, corn, potato, etc.
True. This keeps the butter moving
around the table and also keeps the butter knife from touching any food.
6. If you take a bite of a piece of
gristle or something else that you do nor want to eat, you should swallow it
anyway.
False. Roll it with your tongue onto
your fork or spoon and place it back onto your plate.
7. If you feel a sneeze coming and
haven’t time to reach for a handkerchief, you should pinch your nose with your
fingers and turn your head away from the table.
False. Cover your nose and mouth
with your napkin instead.
8. The most correct way to eat
spaghetti is to wind it around your fork.
True. Many chefs do not like their
guests to cut the pasta!
9. If someone burps at the table,
spills his water glass, or does something equally unacceptable, you should stop
talking and stare at him so he will know he blew it.
False. One of the most important
rules of etiquette is to keep from adding to the embarrassment of others.
Dating
1. It is best to keep your date
waiting at least five minutes but not more than ten.
False. There may be times when you
are unavoidably delayed, but these should always be exceptions.
2. It is still important for a boy
to help a girl with her coat, open doors for her, guide her down dark theater
aisles, or do any other such things.
True. Such respectful attention will
never be out-of-date. It makes both the boy and the girl feel good about
themselves and each other.
3. If your date wants to see an
R-rated or other unacceptable movie, you should accept his suggestion,
especially if he is paying.
False. He wants you to have an
enjoyable time, too, and you won’t if you are doing something you know you
shouldn’t. Pleasantly say that you would prefer not to see that particular show
and suggest an alternate plan. Good manners don’t include going along with
everything your friends may want to do.
4. A proper way to ask a girl for a date
is to say, “What are you doing Saturday night?”
False. Instead describe what you
have planned and ask her if she would like to go with you.
Communicating
1. If you are invited to a party and
cannot attend, there is no need to respond. They’ll know you can’t make it when
you don’t show up.
False. It is very difficult for a
hostess to plan refreshments and entertainment when she doesn’t know how many
will be attending.
2. After dialing a wrong number on
the telephone, it is all right to ask, “What number is this?”
False. Instead say something like,
“Is this 333-3333?” If it is not, you will know you have simply misdialed and
can try again.
3. Even if you thank someone
verbally, you should still send a written thank-you note for a gift.
True. It shows you appreciate the
time they took to remember you and that you are willing to do the same.
4. It is all right to leave a
meeting just before the closing prayer.
False. President David O. McKay once
said, “It is the height of rudeness, excepting in an emergency, to leave a
worshiping assembly before dismissal.”
5. If you call someone on the phone
and don’t recognize the voice that answers, you should say, “Who is this,
please?”
False. Since you have invited
yourself into their home by calling them, you should identify yourself to
whomever answers the phone, and ask to speak to the person you wanted to talk
to.
6. If someone cuts in front of you
in line, you are justified in glaring at them.
False. Why be rude just because
someone else is rude?
7. When speaking to children or
those younger than ourselves, there is no real need to say “please” when asking
them to hand us something, bring in the mail, or help in other ways.
False. What better way to develop
good feelings between all ages and create harmony in your home than by treating
everyone, equally, with respect?
Well, how did you do? Did you learn
anything? We hope so. And by the way, if you are still wondering which way the
vegetables should be passed, they should usually be passed to the right. Have
fun.
***IDEA: do this up into a category guessing board
where the teams get to choose the category and number for their question.
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