RAD KID COACHING NOTES

RAD KID COACHING NOTES
See behavior as survival
Respond, don't react
Ignore the lie, don't ignore the child

You know what honey, everything is going to be okay.  I don't want you to worry.
(Wait a little while)
You know what honey, when you tell me a lie, it really  hurts me, it scares me.  It makes me feel like you don't trust me.  If you don't trust me I can't keep you safe.  I want you to know we're okay and everything is going to be alright.

Coaching Session on Sept 9, 2010

I wonder if you are afraid you are going to get sent away again?
Come tell me if you feel afraid that you'll be sent away.

Its going to feel like Mommy is never going to come.  Let's work on that to know that Mommy is always going to come back.

You're safe.  Is everything ok?
Do you feel like I'm going to leave you?

Provide a secure base

Hey bud, why don't you come sit by me?
Pat him on the back and say, "You're going to be OK."

All this feels like a lot for me.  I need to take a few minutes to think.

Don't repeat decisions over and over.
Let him scream.
If he's throwing things, put words to it.
"If feels like when ............. it's never going to come back."

DO REPAIR WORK:
I'm sorry we let you go to Vista.
I'm sorry I pulled back for a year.

It has to be so hard to feel like we mess up then we won't be loveable.